Welcome to Delicious or Distressing, where we rate recent food memes, videos, and other decidedly unserious news. Last week we discussed Amazon’s newest scary technology, a hand-scanner that can verify your age at the bar.
Channing Tatum, triple-threat leading man of Step Up, She’s the Man, and Magic Mike, took his talents to the small screen this week to share his sandwich of choice. That sandwich, he spilled to Today Show hosts Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, is a PB&J with Cheetos stuffed in it. As an avid proponent of the chips-in-sandwich principle, I have to support it from a textural perspective. I’m less sold on the flavor front, but a person’s sandwich preference is an intimate one, and I’m not here to judge what makes Channing’s heart sing.
Also this week, a very polite Florida-based raccoon awaited and ultimately received a doughnut at a Dunkin’ drive-thru. Jeff Bezos, meanwhile, reportedly paid thousands of dollars more for a bottle of wine than its actual price tag. Lastly, over in the UK, a woman was knocked out cold during an evidently perilous cheese wheel rolling race but managed to eke out the win, learning of her victory upon waking up in the med tent. I love her, I fear her, and I wish only the best for her brain health.
Here’s everything else new in food internet culture this week.
Interviews on the later hours of the Today Show are always wild, and Channing Tatum’s was no exception. He was there to promote his newest children’s book (a thing he does, I guess) called “The One and Only Sparkarella and the Big Lie.” First and foremost, and I cannot emphasize enough how important this is, Sparkarella would be an incredible drag name. But post book discussion, hosts Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager for some reason segued into guessing if several Channing Tatum trivia facts were true or false while wearing Sherlock Holmes hats. One thing about the Today show: They will commit to the bit. Eventually, it was revealed that Tatum’s “go-to’ sandwich is a peanut butter and jelly with (non-flamin’ hot) Cheetos, which I will admit is an unorthodox choice. Nevertheless, as an intrepid reporter, I knew it was my duty to try this sandwich for myself. As it turns out it’s actually not bad—the salty cheetos cut the sweetness of the jelly, and the crunch factor, obviously, is incredible. What can I say, I respect innovation, particularly when it comes to sandwiches. And before you ask, no, this isn’t a pick-me effort to get Channing Tatum to notice me, take me out for a couple drinks, challenge me to a game of truth or dare, marry me on a whim, and whisk me away on a European honeymoon that lasts six months—this is not that. This is about a sandwich. Anyway, I’m giving this one a sweet, salty, and savory 4.6/5 delicious. —Sam Stone, staff writer
A swift search for “raccoons” on TikTok will lead you to theraccoondrivethru, where trash bandits of all shapes and sizes visit the kitchen window of a home in British Columbia and are given some very tasty treats, marshmallows being a popular order. Sure, there are risks to welcoming them so close to your home, but I love raccoons with all my heart. Case in point: this one little guy in Florida. He walks right up to a Dunkin’ drive thru and asks for a donut with open arms. The exchange is very nonchalant, which surely means this is definitely not the first time he’s done it. This is the behavior of a regular. He takes the vanilla frosted donut to go (“They are learning all across the world,” writes theraccoondrivethru) and hurries back to his bush, happy as can be. If the raccoon isn’t the “Ben Affleck of the animal world,” as Today.com eloquently terms it, I don’t know what is. 5/5 delicious —Esra Erol, senior social media manager
As an advocate for the people, for the consumer, for the diner who wants to spend their hard-earned money on delicious food and drink—I simply cannot endorse overcharging more than six-times the going rate for a bottle of wine. That is, unless the person you are significantly overcharging is Jeff Bezos. The billionaire Amazon founder got engaged to his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez last week, and to celebrate, he ordered a bottle of wine for more than $4,000. But apparently our dude overpaid! The Dugat-Py Grand Cru from Domaine Bernard, though certainly a premium bottle, sold at an auction last year for a mere $647.29, according to the New York Post. Bezos is now being dragged by the wine world online. “Wine fact of the day: Bezos knows less than you and got mega ripped off in France,” wine shop Parcelle posted on Instagram. Wow! None of us feel bad, and actually, this is kind of a 5.7/5 delicious. Mazel tov, Jeff. —Serena Dai, editorial director
If you can’t remember achieving a life goal, did it even happen? I don’t know, I’m not a philosopher. But it’s a timely question for 19-year-old Canadian icon, Delaney Irving, who was knocked unconscious this week while chasing a 3kg (7lb) wheel of double Gloucester cheese down the almost-vertical, famously treacherous Coopers Hill in Brockworth, UK. Though the annual cheese roll has no official organizer, it’s been running for an estimated six centuries and draws hundreds of contestants willing to put their bodies on the line. After the cheese is released, the first runner to the bottom wins the giant wheel. It’s an incentive I can really get behind. Footage from the day shows her falling and rolling for a brain-aching amount of time before somehow landing on her feet and crossing the finish line first. “I remember running, then bumping my head, and then I woke up in the [medical] tent,” Irving told The Guardian. “I still don’t really believe it, but it feels great.” I think the takeaway here is: Do less. That’s a full cream 4.7/5 delicious for the cheese queen. —Ali Francis, staff writer